Nov 14, 2013

Negative Nancy

It's not that I want to be Negative Nancy. Life is good. I am grateful. I can count my blessings if I want to. But I don't really want to right now.

Scott left for Atlanta on Sunday morning. I drove him to the airport. Alyssa slept over so she could take the kids to church. Samantha really needs to pass her driving test. I need another driver. But I returned in time for Primary to help Jaxon with the prayer. They say closing prayer in senior primary. Heather told me this. She's in the Primary Presidency. So I left for awhile and returned for the closing prayer. Wasn't I surprised when it was announced that Heather's son would give the closing prayer? I looked back at her quizzically. Oh, yeah. She just remembered that he had the closing prayer. Jaxon had the scripture. At the beginning. Right after I left. Thanks, Heather.

The change of family dynamics hit that night. Alyssa and Jacob started to fight. They were in my room and it was starting to get physical. I screamed for them to getoutgetoutgetoutgetout and they did. Samantha locked the door behind them while I added, "Don't get very much blood on the carpet and DO NOT put dents in the wall!" Another stellar Mother-of-the-Year Moment.

I was involuntarily volunteered to do Career Day at work. That equates to me planning and implementing a Career Day for 480 8th grade students. I saw my calendar and started hustling up presenters then got slammed with meetings for 9th grade students and parents for the past week and half. I forgot to sign up for a conference and I am so very glad about that, although I scheduled more conferences with parents and students which I just don't have time to do because I'm freaking out that I am not ready for Career Day which is in 7 days. I need at least 20 parent volunteers. I have five. I've resorted to guilting mothers into volunteering like I was volunteered to help. I went to the PTA meeting and begged. My colleagues are apathetic and my boss is micromanaging. Two days ago I politely (I think) told her to BACK OFF. She's telling me what to do and it's so not helpful. She told me to call this person and this person. Go talk to these teachers. Call this student and tell him he needs to be at school (because we don't already have an attendance secretary?). Tell people where they will be and what they will do. Who is going to do this? Who is going to do that? I gave her my tolerant, did-you-know-I-am-PMSing-smile and told her that I'd just love to do all of that right now but I'm a little bit busy with SEOP's. This was said as I was standing up and backing out of the room. She persisted. Then she saw my crazy eyes. Wisely, she backed down.

And I just can't wait to negotiate classrooms I will be using/displacing teachers for two hours. Not that they will need the space to teach since I will have their students but some teachers are very, very territorial and love a good fight based on principle alone. I'll wait until my PMS is really finished.

My birthday is next week. I am proudly two years from my colonoscopy. I'm trying to decide if I want to get a mammogram this year or not. Surprisingly, it is not as fun as everybody says it is. My mom's cancer has returned. Her oncologist, bless her heart, has horrific bedside manners. She informed my mother that they will have to start all over again with chemotherapy and add radiation to the recipe. And she smiles while she delivers this news, along with the message that she has been delivering all along, implied or otherwise, "You have cancer. You will die. I will treat you, anyway." Hello, Mary Sunshine!

Fortunately, PMS can be measured in days but I can't help asking, what does a nearly 48 year old woman need PMS for, anyway? Take my uterus. I don't need it, anymore. I'll donate to someone who wants to use it. It worked well. It might still work well. My children were all very happy little parasites in their cocoon for those 9 months. I am charitable albeit grudgingly.

Just don't dent the walls.

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