Prom is coming and my oldest daughter was asked a couple of days ago.
"This is the second date with this boy, isn't it? Make sure he doesn't try to kiss you," I advised. She blushed. "You know, Dad didn't kiss me for two years after we started dating." It was a lie and everybody knew it. They would have been wise to not push it.
"Whaddya mean?" my 13 year old son challenged. "You got married within a year of your first date!"
"Well," I amended, "he didn't kiss me on our honeymoon. We just had sex." I popped my next bite of dinner into my mouth. I heard a clatter of silverware. Four forks had been dropped on their plates. I little girl scream erupted from my 13 year old son's mouth and he ran out to the garage. My nearly 18 year old daughter blushed bright red. My 15 year old daughter put her face in her hands and muttered, "Why, Mom."
"Seriously? Do you not know where you came from?" I demanded. "What kind of mother would I be if I didn't educate you on the birds and the bees?"
I heard, "Uh, normal?"
I've been banned from eating dinner with the family. Prudes.