That's what I am reaching toward. No loftier goals have I than to survive. Is the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? Is that what I will always believe? Is it human nature? Perhaps if there is at least a little discontent, we will continue to strive for something better. But as a rule, I've found that the grass on the other side of the fence is different.
It was a weird summer that was filled with anticipation. I was anticipating a big change with my job. New school. New political climate. New colleagues. New students. What it turns out to be is a completely different beast, altogether.
My summer was shot with the anticipation. I went through the motions of what I usually do but on a smaller level. Smaller garden although that was due to the chickens taking up half of it. Vacations where I was half present and half trying not to stress out over the anticipation. I finally met the administration the last week of July and then, with my illustrious new colleagues, we rowed our counseling team out to the middle of figurative lake and dumped ourselves out. Except that it wasn't a lake but a wide, wide ocean with creatures unseen and unknown to me. Also, someone forgot to teach me how to swim and the rowboat sank.
So I'm doggy paddling in the middle of the ocean with weird creatures swimming around me. Some of them have big teeth. Some look very friendly but are hiding big teeth. Some have big teeth but don't bite.
Taking a page out of Finding Nemo, I remind myself of Dory. I ask a question, get an answer and then forget seconds later. I swim away for a second and return and forget what I went to do and I forgot who I was talking to. I introduce myself all over again. I hope I remember how to get home even though it's a straight shot from my house.
Do I like my job? I don't know. I haven't had the opportunity to assess that. I'm too busy trying to keep my head above water. This also makes it difficult to miss my previous life as a high school counselor at an alternative high school. I can't even take the time to wax nostalgic. It's more of a life without introspection which does not bode well for my snarky blog persona.
Although my frustration level is high right now, I'm not complaining about anything but the vast amount of work and the little time I have to do it. I can't really complain about the hours besides the fact that I'm working for free for part of the day every day but that's due to my very steep learning curve.
As far as having the kids in school again, I traded the words, "I'm bored," and "Mom, what should I do?" for papers and books and musical instruments, and backpacks littering the house because none of that stuff has a home even though I have a lovely peg board drilled into the drywall in the entry way. I am signing disclosure documents and writing checks. Checks! It's like I've returned to the stone ages or something. And how I hate the fund raisers! The school gets less than half of what the parent pays but the pressure to buy is incredibly high because there is a prize for selling X number of Y. Children don't understand that the prize is something I could buy at Oriental Trading company in gross for a whole lot less than I am paying for the fund raiser. Want money? Just tell me how much you need. Don't use my child's cute little pleading face to sell me something I don't want or need because he wants a stupid toy.
Because he wants the toy.
And he has the cutest little face.
With pleading eyes.
Back to Dory and her best line; Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin'...
And I am secretly looking for the East Australian Current to surf.