Jan 26, 2012

Life Stories That Never Go Away

Mama’s Losin’ It
You know those life stories that just never die? No matter how old you get or where you go or who you’re with…SOMEONE brings them back up?
These are my top ten life stories.

1.  I cut my sister's cute red locks when my mom was in the shower. I was 4, she was 2. I thought it was a darling haircut. Yet I hid under the table when my mother got out of the shower and found the pile of hair and my sister's jagged 'do. Maybe not so cute?

2. While I was at school, my sister cut my doll's hair.

3. When I was 10, I accidentally cut my littlest sister's ear. One ear is still smaller than the other. Lesson is that I can't be trusted with scissors. Or to babysit. Sorry, Jene.

4. My sister and I used to twist our swings together until we were completely stuck, laughing so hard and couldn't get to the bathroom. We always peed our pants.

5. We had a cat whose body never grew past kitten size but his head did. He would collapse on the cement with his enormous head. We wondered if he'd finally died. Poke him, he didn't move. We'd dig a grave and he'd open his eyes and struggle to stand up. His name was "Wee Tiger." I don't miss that cat. He was creepy.

6. We used to play church basketball on Thursdays after school. When my mom wasn't home, I'd drive the 1963 Ford truck that couldn't pass inspection. We stuffed four girls in the seat of that truck while I jokingly spun donuts in the parking lot. One corner I took led to screaming and two less girls in the truck. I had dumped my sister and a friend out on the asphalt. They were yelling and bleeding. I can't believe this sister still speaks to me. She does have lovely hair, though.

7. At Back-to-School night, the kindergarten teacher stood up and gave her opening speech and included the phrase, "I pull kid's hair." (This was the seventies). My dad quickly retorted, "I sue teachers." Mrs. Cobley paled and sat down. My sister was essentially ignored that year.

8. At my first high school stag dance, I ended up holding hands with a boy I liked that was a senior. My older sister called me a bad name, yelled that she couldn't believe I was holding hands with HIM since he had smoked pot then left me in the parking lot alone at midnight. She went home and went to bed. I didn't get home until 2:00 a.m. It took me that long to find a way home. I was mortified and traumatized.

Two years ago, this same sister remarked that she ran into a guy she went to high school with that knows me. She couldn't remember his name. Was it Dean someone? My first and most traumatic high school experience and she didn't even remember any of it.

9. This only happened a year ago but I can't see it disappearing into oblivion. The sisters were together in Arizona killing time before a movie. I was talking to my daughter at home when the sisters were going into a store. They told me to call them when I was finished. I started patting my pockets and panicked. "I forgot my phone!" I yelled at them. My youngest sister looked puzzled and held up her hand to her ear. I pulled my own hand from my ear, surprised to see my phone. My daughter, on the other end, was trying to explain my stupidity.

10. The first time my sister sluffed school is the day I showed up to visit her from college. I walked into her Drama class and asked if I could speak to her. "She's not here," the teacher replied. "Weird. She left for school today." Again. How is this sister still speaking to me?

I have more but telling all my secrets leaves me vulnerable to retaliation by family members. I am REALLY hoping they stopped reading my blog. I think they have. I hope they have. Maybe?


Kim said...

I'm torn: I have no sisters. After reading your stories, I don't know whether this lack of sisters was a good thing or not.

Maybe it's better that I just had brothers - they don't remember crap.

Unknown said...

What a way to start the day - I am laughing so hard I have tears.

Diane said...

You and scissors were not a good fit, were you?!

And that is hilarious about the phone! I don't think I've done that yet but I have driven myself crazy (more times that I care to admit) looking for my sunglasses to finally discover them on top of my head!

SisterSister said...

All of these stories are really funny...I don't know which is funniest.
hi from mk's

mCat said...

I'm surprised ANY of your sisters are speaking to you! Don't you love the stories that start in our families and NEVER go away? And are just as funny the 100th telling as it was when it happened?

Becky Thumann said...

I chose this prompt, too! Wasn't it so hard to narrow them down?!

Great stories -- I enjoyed reading! :)


SUPAHMAMA! said...

LOL, this makes me hope to give my daughter more sisters one day. What a bunch of shenanigans you got yourself into!!!