May 9, 2011

Confessions of an Imperfect Mother

In honor of Mother's Day, I have decided to purge myself of my imperfections. Not that I plan on changing, I am simply confessing. You may need to take a shower afterward.

  1. I hate going to church on Mother's Day. While the speakers beatify their mothers, I feel like an abysmal failure.
  2. I spent yesterday angry at my children for evidencing my failure as a mother by not being more responsible, grateful, clean, having more common sense, taking ownership of themselves, their behaviors, and their stuff, loving, tolerating, or at least respecting other members in the household enough to leave the room when they feel they simply *must* pick a fight.
  3. Much of the time I would rather spend time with my blog or a good book than with my children.
  4. I worked 8 and half hours on Friday. That was the most peaceful day I've had in weeks. Maybe months.
  5. There is not a clear path from the door to the bed in any child's bedroom. Every room contains a severe tripping hazard.
  6. I am still stunned by sentences I feel obligated to utter like, Who peed in the garbage can? Did you brush your teeth? Did you brush your hair? (the girl is in jr. high), Stop picking at your lip until they bleed, go pee right now, Is that the same shirt you wore yesterday? And the day before? You swallowed what? And many, many other questions, statements that sound just silly coming from my mouth but I feel I must give them air.
  7. I have left the dog at home to babysit the youngest child so I can take other children to school since he was 3 years old.
  8. Two of my four children did NOT go to pre-school. At all. My schedule wouldn't allow it.
  9. When my kindergarten boy decides to not go to kindergarten, I keep him home because it's too hard to fight him so early in the morning and quantity time is better than quality time.
  10. I don't cook breakfast for my children every morning. Any morning. I keep a supply of bread for toast, cereal, frozen waffles, and minute oatmeal. 
  11. The above sentence is a lie. I always have bread. The other stuff is at 75% of the time.
  12. I spend inordinate amounts of time in the bathroom because it's the only place I can go alone.
  13. I have hidden in my closet with a small carton of Ben and Jerry's and a spoon. I stopped when my children found my hiding spot.
  14. My youngest child has been sleeping in our bed for the last 6 years.
  15. My husband is sexually frustrated.
  16. I have checked an older child out of school to babysit a younger child so I can take another to a doctor's appointment.
Judge me. Validate yourselves based on my shortcomings. Cherish the fact that you are a better parent than I am. Feel validated that you're not the only one. Whatever.

I wonder if this is how it feels to go to confession.

Now I am going to go toast some bread for a boy and get him to school before he has to check in at the office.  


Amy said...

My three kids had a terrible fight while preparing my Mother's Day breakfast. I felt awful about it.

EmptyNester said...

Surely to goodness you don't think you're in the boat alone? If you only knew some of my tales of parenting while our girls were growing up!

CountessLaurie said...

I am not judging. At all. I feel your pain.

Meanwhile, maybe your husband and my husband would have a lot to talk about :) While I snuggle my 7 and/or 5 year old. In our full size bed.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

You get to go to the bathroom alone?
I'm jealous.

Riahli said...

You're an awesome mom, and your brave. Most of us are to afraid to share the real stuff. :)

I knew there was a reason I needed to get a dog. ;)

Tiffany said...

Wow! I felt liberated just reading that post! I literally thought I was the only mother on earth who would rather read a book than spend "quality time" with her children! I just wish we lived next door to each other so we could be imperfect together. Also, I'm too lazy to get a job so I could totally watch your kids for you! :)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

We're all operating on half-empty tanks of patience, and making mistakes every day.

Don't kick yourself when you're down - that's what kids are for.

There WILL be a day when they all leave the nest...keep that thought.

Kaye said...

I mostly like #1. I think it could possibly be the cause of all the others. I found the answer- check my blog!

Anne said...

I bet your dog is a better babysitter than half of the teenagers you know.

M-Cat said...

I could likely check off everyone of these 'confessions' and the world didn't crumble andthe kids grew up and they are all great and we still all love each other.

Although I would hide out with a box of dingdongs.

Kaye said...

You can hijack my blog anytime. My heck. . . I am still laughing!
BTW. . . I look good in red, but I have a closet full of purple. See my dilemma? Anyway. I did not apply there or at Westlake.