Aug 11, 2009

Diary of a Dumb Dog

March 2008

Today I barked. I don't know why. I did it for a long time. My people yelled at me. I think they like it so I barked some more. They opened my gate and I ran. I like to run. I ran far away. I looked at things. When I got home, my people were so happy to see me, they used raised voices.

I like socks and shoes. I can make them into new shapes. Chewing makes me happy.

April 2008

My favorite toy is called a "Ginger." It is fuzzy and likes to play with me. Today its sharp claw got stuck in my lower eyelid. Again. I had to wait for my people to remove it. Then I played with my toy again until it ran down the stairs. I don't like the stairs. They are scary.

July 2008

My people talk about how I might be bored. They think that may be why I run away and bark. I don't know what bored means but I like to run and bark.

August 2008

My people cooked chicken outside today. I like chicken. I ate two. Then my people saw me and took the rest inside.

October 2008

My people put up a fence and let me out of my dog run. Now I can run a lot. I found a place where I could get out and I ran away. I like to run. My big hairy boy put something in the hole. Now I can't run away.

January 2009

My kids people played in the snow with me today. We had a lot of fun. They left their sleds outside for me to chew. I tore them up really good. I love my people. Next time I see them, I will sniff between their legs. They like that.

June 2009

The snow is all gone. I found mud. I dug. Soon I saw a hole under the fence. I crawled through and ran away. My hairy boy covered up the hole. I dug a new one. He covered it up again. I dug a new one. He covered it up again. I did this a lot. I like this game. I am glad my boy plays it with me.

I killed a snake today. It was very, very long and green. When it died it bled water. It was very, very strange.

July 2009

I like to dig. My big hairy boy doesn't pat me on the head as much anymore.

I killed another snake today. This one was black and long. When it died, it bled water. I was so hot I rolled around on the spurt. I feel better now.

July 2009

My hairy boy put down cement squares. I tried to dig under them. All I got was dirt. When my people open the gate, I run away. I love to run.

August 2009

Today I dug by the fence. I dug and dug. I found pipes. Maybe I dug to China.

I found a new place to dig. The dirt is softer in this place. I dug and found carrots. I don't like to eat the carrots but I like to dig them up! My mom people taught me new words today. I don't know what they mean.

August 2009

I still bark. I still dig. I still smell people between their legs. My mom people called me "diabolical." I think that means I'm wonderful and she loves me. Maybe I will kill another snake and give it to her.


The Jensenites said...

I LOVE it! I love it so much that I am going to copyright your idea one of these days:)

Christa said...

oh my gosh! Can you please bring my dog back home? We've been looking for him! lol

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Fantastic. And so familiar - "Diabolical" must be the soul sister of our beast "Complete Maniac."

Foursons said...

This is so fun and may have convinced me to NOT get a dog.

The Shep's Herd said...

Add some pictures and you could publish this and make lots of money to get more snakes !!

CJ Sime said...

This post is hilarious. You are too funny. ROTFL

I am also a huge fan of the comments you've left on my blog. They always crack me up

CJ Sime said...

This post is hilarious. You are too funny. ROTFL

I am also a huge fan of the comments you've left on my blog. They always crack me up

wendy said...

Totally worthy of reading to my husband. Now I know why we don't have a dog. Tell your dog's big hairy boy I said hi!

The White House said...

That was awesome! I am so glad that I found your blog through MamaKat. I loved the sleepy conversation also!

The Mom said...

Someone give this to Paul. He hates my dog Miller, dumb dog but loveable